I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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