when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
