I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
