hotel room ftw
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Come see our sink grown plant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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