i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
