What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
