So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
