Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just gift wrapped bread.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
