Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
