allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
