I love black thongs
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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