guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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