just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
