she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
