I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
