You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
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she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
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you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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