i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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