I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
