p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
