We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
