I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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