I think my vagina is haunted
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
