Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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