She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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