Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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