Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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