Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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