i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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