He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
