He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
