my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
