Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
