dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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