You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
