he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
