I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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