standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
