That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
