First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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