season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
