oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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