i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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