if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
we have officially lost it.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
