So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
