Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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