LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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