do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
