ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My vagina just clenched in fear
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
