Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
