On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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