he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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