you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
