I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
