he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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