I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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