I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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