she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize