update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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