the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
