did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
