I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
The power of my boobs compel you
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
