I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
