The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
