I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
