Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
