: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
