so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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