I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
