I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
