great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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