Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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