If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
