Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
