Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i already hear my dad disowning me
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Sorry about my life...
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
