new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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