Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
