I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He did a backflip because drugs
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
