She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
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did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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