I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
So much Jack, so little girl.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
