I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
